I Decline your kind offer ...

 

As I walked down the street towards my afternoon meetings, some gnarled and crispy brown leaves danced across my path.  A whisp of wind picked them up and they flew into the air.  I stopped to watch them blow this way and that in strange circles, as if they all new they were alive and could follow each other.  In strange motions.

As I stood there I thought, I am not really feeling myself today.  What's wrong?  I asked myself my three questions when this feeling of melancholy comes upon me -

Am I getting enough sleep
Am I getting enough exercise
Am I eating the right things

The answer to all of these questions is no.  I haven't been very well for the past ten days or so, and as a consequence my diet has been a bit highly pigglidy not quite what it normally is.  Well for a few days eating at all was out, and I struggled to keep a glass of water down.  My Limbs so tired and heavy that exercise is all but impossible.

These questions lead me to the last time I was thinking about them.  I'd just finished working on a project where I hadn't been able to answer any of these questions with a positive response for nearly a month

That got me thinking as to just how wrecked I felt after that job.  Spiritually, physically, mentally, nutritionally - bankrupt.  Not a pleasant feeling and one that has taken quite a bit of time to recover from.  But what hit me was every time I accepted jobs like this one, I ended up feeling the same.  Weak, tired, unhealthy.  Done it. What surprised me was how until today I had not equated these feelings, with what I was doing.  The direct calaration so obvious today, was hidden for so long.

Receiving an email today about a similar position. Initially I was interested.

As I mulled over the possibilities and the options I would have if I accepted the proposition I began to think of similar experiences all in the same area, all that left me feel drained. Moments of my life flashed before my eyes and I was left feeling quite shaken by what I had seen.

The choices I had made had had a very negative impact on me.  On my peace of mind.

Walking back through the city streets my mind pondered the ideas of embarking on a road that would lead down that path again.  This time it will be different, I heard myself say.

But out loud and in a whisper, my voice spoke, rudely awakening my thoughts, of how things would have changed;

'no, no it won't be any different.  All the experiences of the past share one thing -  the same outcome."  

I had a picture of me left huddled up in desperation at the end of the day trying to find release in the middle, and restoration at the end.

I feel jolted by the realisation that I have focused on the wrong thing.  Why, oh why, did I keep going back like a moth to a flame to something that burned me.  I am disappointed in myself, aware that this moment of clarity is a reflection of thought processes that I have decided not to acknowledge.   I am alert to the fact that all that has been all that has gone has brought me to where I am now, and where I move forward from. I now my PowerPoint is this present moment.

The obvious answer to the email, is no.

Do I have the courage to say it, to make that decision.  Or do I shuffle forward accepting that the path I know - although horrid - is familiar, and less daunting than the one I don't.

At the root I think is fear.

I write back to decline, and glance up.  My face is smiling, and my body has breathed a sigh of relief.


That's it for now ...

Nics

Salt and sparkle = Life Remarkable

Breathe 13

Just Breathe

That's it for now ...

Nics

Salt and Sparkle = Life Remarkable

Song of the Day

Recently, I stumbled across an idea that was so romantic, it made me smile for the rest of the day.  Even now when I think of it, I smile.  

Each day by email he sent her 'a song of the day' 

Isn't that a remarkably simple but beautiful idea - a piece of music delivered by email - from the sender to the receiver?  Every now and then I am going to post a song on the day on Salt and Sparkle - I'd love it if you left me a comment with your song of the day.

Today I have choosen this duet by Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder - I am looking forward to his new Duets II.

That's it for now ...

Nics

Salt and Sparkle = Life Remarkable

31 days of Space - Rest - Five Minute Friday

Today I am linking up with The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday, and with My3boybarians for 31 days of - hope you'll join me on both sites.

Five minute Friday

Go

Rest - someething we definitely don't get enough of.  We demand more and more and more, of our bodies, and when they protest, or get sick, or even - break down, we get angry, and will them to be instantly better, without much thought for them.  Or the fact that they do heal themselves, but the way they do this is through rest.

Sometimes, all we think about is what is happening inside our heads.  And, anything at all that gets in the way of what we have to do, is instantly shot to pieces.  We are busy, busy, busy people who lead increasingly packed lives, and the internet, that doesn't make it much better.  Hanging out on Facebook, typing on our phones, checking our twitter, or Google circle, or other social networks, none of those are restful, they engage, our minds, and our thumbs.

As do our endless to do lists, those telephone calls that just won't wait, those letters we have to write, things we have to pick up from the store, the house that needs tidied, the dinner that has to be cooked, that book that we so desperately want to read, the funeral, the wedding, the meeting, the briefing paper, the photographs, the dreams, the hopes, the journalling.  There is always so much to do, always.  And, you know what, let me, let you into a little secret, there always will be an endless amount of things to do.  Our inbox, even when we are dead will still be full.

We have to make a decision then to rest.  Like the one I am making now.  I haven't been very well for the past ten days, physically.  So I haven't been able to exercise, actually it was the last thing that was on my mind, but today I felt a bit better, and one of the first things that entered my head was, let's go for a run!

Seriously, have you ever heard of anything so silly or deluded.  A run, when for the past several days I have been seriously dehydrated.  Come on.  Needless to say, I took that thought and waved it farewell.

Rest is absolutely crucial to life.  

I think that God knew that, and he new that the the greatest temptation in our lives would be for us not to stop, to always want to fit that one last little thing in, for us not to rest. And, instead, always to be doing, going, being, busy, busy, busy.

But he put a premium on rest. He took a rest.  The creation story tells us that - God worked for seven days then he took a break, he signed out, he closed down his blackberry - he chillaxed!  Think about it, the first thing God did after He created man was rest, the first thing man did after he was created was rest.  I think a pretty important precedent was set here.  I think its a good example for us to follow.  

But I also think God showed us that it takes work to create rest.  And, that sometimes we have to work to take a rest, in that we have to make a compess mentus decision to rest.  To physically write down in our diaries - rest day!  To turn off our phones, to let the emails come in and not be answered for 24 hours.

Make rest something you schedule, and something you schedule daily, as well as weekly.  Make it a part of you day, a part of your life.  All however, long you set aside to recharge you, and to give you the energy you need for everything else you have to do.  It might be an hour, it might be a day, it might be five minutes - but write it down, make it something that you do, because trust me no matter how much you have to get done, you will get done what you need to in the time that you have.  

Tell your pals 'hurry and worry' they aren't invited, that this time, is to rest.

Stop

31 DAYS OF REST

What a great topic to write on today - REST  - because today I want to tell you what my blog will be doing for some of the Autumn.

For the month of October I am joining Darcy, The Nester, Emily, and a group of other fantastic bloggers as we write for 31 days on a choosen topic.  

31 days of SPACE @ Salt and Sparkle

Why Space -

Well, because I know what its like to be so busy, that you just don't know where to look, or when that to do list will ever finish.  I know what it is like to keep going until you are forced to stop.  I know what happens when we don't take time to have space in our lives.  

Over my life, I have accummulated a lot of good wisdom about making sure we make time to find space in our daily lives, and throughout October, I am going to share with you some of the things that I have learnt and ask you to tell me about the things you have learnt, about the importance of space in our daily lives.  Are you ready to find some SPACE?  I hope so.

Why don't you join us, and write on your blog for 31 days on your choosen subject?

That's it for now...

Nics

Salt and Sparkle  = Life Remarkable

September has come

September has come, It is hers whose vitality leaps in the autumn,

Whose nature prefers

Trees without leaves and a fire in the fire-place;

So I give her this month and the next

Though the whole of my year should be hers who has rendered already

So many of its days intolerable or perplexed

But so many more so happy;

Who has left a scent on my life and left my walls

Dancing over and over with her shadow,

Whose hair is twined in all my waterfalls

And all of London lilttered with remembered kisses.

- Louis MacNeice, "Autumn Journal" 

September, my favourite month of the year.  Today I wanted to share with you one of my favourite songs, by my favourite singer -songwriters, and some words from my favourite poet.  I hope you enjoy them.

What do you like about September?

That's it for now...

Nics

Salt and Sparkle = Life Remarkable

Life at the Table

Tonight, as I sat with two fabulous friends catching up after the summer's adventures.  I felt so truly blessed, how wonderful it is to have people to share food with, to share life with, to share with.  Friends who you care about deeply, and who care about you.  People you can trust with your heart, and know that your words, or thoughts aren't disregarded as silly.  What a blessing!  I give a shout out to Mr and Mrs Haliday - thank you for the wonderful dinner, and the pleasure of your company and joy of your friendship.  You guys rock!  

Dinner's like tonight, are the true epiphany of salt and sparkle = they are the seasoning, and the glitter, the taste and the temper, that bring great satisfaction to life.  

As I walked to my car after dinner, I thought about what goes on at the table, that dancing interaction between conversation, and food, laughter and tears; and I remembered how much I believe that life happens at the table.  I am not a fan of going for coffee, I'd much rather meet you for lunch or preferably dinner.  I like to spend time with people, to hear what's been happening with them, and share what I have been up to.  

Tonight was like that the experience of sharing food & friendship around a table was just magical - it is a fellowship with our fellow human beings.  An experience to be revered.  The cares and concerns of the day, were dusted off, dusted down, and put away, as we sat, and ate.

There is a special something that happens, a change in the atmosphere when people come together - to break bread together.  To use a very old phrase that I really love.  Especially because I love to make bake bread, to break and share at dinner.  This experience of breaking bread, of sharing, to me is deeply spiritual.

Spending time with my family friends around a table, is one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Sitting discussing Kant, or Creation.   Glancing out the window to see the sky as turns from dark indigo to light violet as dawn breaks, and we still chat.  Sharing life, talking about what's been happening - listening as other people share their stories.  What a privilege that is to hear other people's stories.  I never tire of listening, I suppose because I feel honoured that people choose to share things with me.

My memory is filled with life at the table -  of champagne breakfasts, liquid lunches, and vast sprawling dinner parties during my university days.  To school days when I was learning to cook, and would spend hours toiling over the stove producing complex, complicated food.  I don't do that anymore - food at the table, should be simple, it should be delicious, and it shoud be about sharing.  

Tears and laughter.  Joy and Sorrow.  That is life at the table. Times when it was impossible to eat because one was laughing so much, other evenings, when pain was shared, and food seemed to loose its appeal.  I think back to heartaches spoken about in soft whispers, or when sweet nothings where exchanged in all but a glance.  

It's all there round my table, its all happened.  What are your favourite memories that have happened at your table?

That's it for now ...

Nics

Salt and Sparkle = Life Remarkable

Jennie - Sweet Shot Tuesday

On Friday I took some photos that have firmly become favourites for this year.  They are of my wonderful friend Jennie, who I wrote about here  - and they headshots for her website, she is a really talented actor.   Isn't she beautiful! 

I have linked up with Darcy for her Sweet Shot Tuesday, I just love hanging out with the gang there, and seeing all their pics.  Happy Tuesday everyone.  Head over there to link up.

That's if for now...

Nics

Salt and Sparkle = Life Remarkable