the waiting game. the dullest game.
by Nics
I'm frustrated, I hate being sick, and as one who has spent a good percentage of their life being sick. I can tell you on no undercertain terms that 'it sucks' in a big way.
Everything takes so much longer when we don't feel well. The simplest things that take a matter of moments when we are running on full power. Suddenly overwhelm.
Everything seems too much. Everything crowds in. Everything remains. Everything waits. Everything is there. Everything makes me tired. Everything takes energy. Energy that for me doesn't exist at the moment.
Words swirl in my head, needing to find a place on paper. Light dances beyond the window. Rain falls. Sunbeams stretch. Stars twinkle. A new moon lights up in the sky. Buds are forming. Spring is coming.
I dream of the photographs that I would like to take. Plans poke at my mind. I read information from other blogs, and sources that tell me what I should be doing, how I could improve my work.
I want to get stuck into these ideas. I feel frustrated like I have failed because nothing is happening. Let alone happening on time. The deadlines I set myself loom in the near distance, and I wonder if I will meet them.
My mind is in overdrive so I pick up pencils and pads, I write. When I have the energy I type, I try to stay connected even a little because being sick is islolating. It's lonely.
I miss my life.
I miss my life - I long for it to return. Please come back to me. Soon.
All I can do is wait. Be thankful for the medicines that I have. Be thankful for the doctors who take me seriously. Thankful for their advice, which is to wait. Not to push myself, but to wait.
Wait for health to return. Wait for energy to come back. Wait. Wait for life to start again.
Waiting, the dullest game. Waiting the hardest thing. Waiting, please end.
While we wait, here's a shot of Roxy that I snapped in the kitchen today.
That's it for now ...
Nics
Salt and Sparkle = Life Remarkable
